Someone may have said to you that you are codependent, or youhave may have heard the term somewhere or read about it.Codependency is a clinical term which describes an unhealthyrelationship between two people. Many times it’s in thecontext relationships where one person uses alcohol and drugs.It is a relationship where one person puts the needs of the otherperson in the relationship above their own. While it is healthy toput the needs of your loved ones first, it is not healthy to do soto the point where you ignore your own needs completely. It is whena person fears being alone, and is terrified at the possibility ofnot being needed. One person is called the enabler.The codependent person is likely to have low self-esteem, eventhough they are often the one taking care of many things. A personwho experiences codependency gets their self-worth from sourcesother than themselves. They train themselves to know the behaviorsand triggers of the other person in their relationship. Thesepeople do all that they can to keep the other person in theirrelationship happy, to keep them from getting upset. Instead ofseeking a partner in a relationship who is more suitable for them,a codependent person will instead change themselves to fit into thedysfunctions in the current relationship. There is a vicariousquality of living through another person and always feelingneglected.People who experience codependency do not have high self esteem,and this is likely to be a contributing factor. These people in alllikelihood do not feel like they deserve any better than what theyhave, and they feel like they are lucky to have anything at all inthe first place. These people are said to be in constant denial,suppressing their true feelings about the relationship that theyare in.There is an odd relation of passivity and being controlling. Oftenthere is such a pre-occupation with the other person’sdrinking or addiction and a project to reform or change them. Oftenan enabler comes from a difficult background. These people willfocus on their partner not being reach their potential. Thesebehaviors or personality traits are deeply rooted, and take timeand significant effort to change. Therapy is very helpful atbreaking through these areas. Attending meetings such as Al-Anoncan be very helpful to learn about the reason for taking acaretaker role.Read Addiction RecoveryInterviews and learn more about breaking through oldpatterns.
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